"All Things Work Together For Good": Not Just a Trite Expression

When my husband was 17 yrs old he found out his girlfriend was pregnant. 

They were not in love they we're not well suited for each other; they would not have chosen to be connected to each other for the rest of their lives.  He was a "good" boy from a wonderful Catholic home, no one would have expected this, most would hardly believe it.  And yet the many small decisions that led to one bigger decision suddenly had a new baby soul as it's witness.  That young 16 year old mom would suddenly be the "pregnant girl."  Her senior year would forever be remembered as the year she had a baby and the vision of her future would be altered forever.

I thank God everyday that those two scared teenagers chose life. 

I thank God that that young boy stayed to be her father and that her mother sacrificed her own desires to stay and be her mother. 

Because when that little girl was five years old I began the journey of learning to be her mother too.  
There's more to say about that then I can include in this post, but I can say, from the very beginning God gave me a peace, that this was his gift to me as well. Granted it came with myriad of other challenges and her mother and I had to learn how to respect and acknowledge the other, and my husband had to feel the sting of his past decisions resurface on occasion, and become a facet of our marriage.  But just because it was not the way God would have had them do things, did not stop him from redeeming the situation. We felt the ramifications more heavily sometimes than others, but above all we always knew that God was protecting this sweet soul. 

There were many times when we didn't think we'd make it. The road was long between that day in September when her teenage parents welcomed her into the world and that day in May when she walked across a stage to get her diploma. 

She could have been such a mess. She could have raged against God or joined her mom in simply not believing in him.  

But I believe that at the moment that beautiful girl was conceived in her beautiful mother's womb, that God was giddy with excitement and had plans and purposes that he knew would show the world that all things really can work together for good, that there is nothing he cannot transform with his great love. He chose to honor the simple "yes" those teenagers made to her life and he has done extraordinary things.  


There were many nights her dad and I cried out to God to show us how to love her better, how to meet her needs and mend her hurts.  She always felt divided, the way children always will when their parents aren't together.  She had two very different homes, different worlds. One where God was the center and one were God was not spoken of.  She had a world with a single mom trying to make ends meet and another one with a dad having a new baby almost every year.  But the immeasurable joy she brought into our lives was trans-formative for me, for her siblings, and for our marriage. 

Although we were always very involved in her life she made the decision as a young woman to come live with us, and her mother painstakingly gave her over to us at 15. I can only imagine this was a much harder decision than the decision to keep her when she herself was just a child.  She bravely let her come explore new possibilities, and a different kind of home.  I will always be grateful to her for that second selfless choice.  It is every mother's worst nightmare that her child would chose to leave and yet she let her go, and she never hated me for being her other mother. 


Last month our daughter graduated with many academic awards and a very special award called the Integer award. In her speech to receive that award through all the hot tears streaming down my face, all I could think was "God, you are really showing off."  Not only has this young woman graduated, but she has excelled and most importantly, she is a kind, compassionate, thoughtful soul. 

My beautiful daughter stood on that stage a woman, and articulated her great love for God. A God whom she learned had accepted her just as she was, a God who mended her hurts and revealed to her the many blessings in her life. She stood there, whole and happy, successful and strong but most importantly she stood there knowing how hard it was to get there.  She has seen me bear and birth 6 children, she knows vividly what it must have been like for her brave mother to have her.  She understands in a unique way, the sacredness of life. She knows her dad chose her and cared for her before he knew what he was doing and she saw me choose her and take her as my own when I took her dad as my flesh.  

And eventually she realized that ALL of that was the love of God, that God chose her as well.  That love her dad has always shown, the days he fed and rocked her as a baby, the daily calls he made when she was in Middle School and trying to disappear into herself, the privileges he took away once she lived here and just couldn't get in the swing of things, was a clear and beautiful reflection of the love of her heavenly Father; somewhere along the way she chose to let Christ love her too.  

It's impossible when we are in the eye of the storm to know that the calm is coming. And sometimes the "all things good" won't be clear at all this side of heaven but when we just say "yes,"  weakly,  begrudgingly, questioningly, we allow God to take control and give him the opportunity to show off a little. He will never be outdone in generosity. He will never be outdone in love. 

  

The Master Bathroom: A Win for Mother's Hygiene

***Let me first apologize for my super long absence. As my few, sweet faithful readers know I was suffering with debilitating migraines throughout the year and spent the better part of 2014 so far in bed.  I am very happy to say that I am doing much better and that God in his infinite wisdom ( and through the help of a fabulous acupuncturist) has given me my life back, so I am hoping to get back into writing and maybe even be able to post more than once a month! *** 


My husband and I recently moved into our very own hotel suite.

Well, technically it's the master bedroom of our home.  When we moved out of our two bedroom, 1000 sq ft house in Dallas and moved into this magical 2700 sq ft home I thought I had died and gone to heaven.  Still, two + years later, not a day goes by that I don't stop and say "thank you" for the space.  But when we first moved in my saintly mother moved in with us and rightfully took the massive master suite as her new mini apartment.  

She moved out in June and although we miss he terribly, my husband and I are loving  the master bedroom.  You can walk around the bed without having to brace yourself on a wall, we can fit all our lovely bedroom furniture given to us when we got married that has always been split up and crammed in corners.  It's beautiful and clean (for now) and I am reminded every time I walk into it that it's nothing but a blessing as I have seen entire families in other countries live in less space.

But what has really changed my life is the master bathroom!

Who knew that having your own sink and a toilet not sprayed with little boy urine could make a girl so happy....and clean!   At the risk of losing my friends I will admit to you that I am lucky if I shower three times a week, and forget brushing my teeth every night (do people still do that? Is that a thing?).   All these years I had been chalking my less-than-ideal hygiene up to my lack of time and motivation both sucked out of me from 7 tiny (priceless and treasured) leeches ....but it turns out, if you give me a bathroom without blue toothpaste in the sink and the ever-faint (or not-so-faint) smell of urine on the floor, then I might actually find a reason to go in there even when it isn't absolutely necessary.    

And oh the glory of getting ready for church without four boys pushing me over to get the combs and gel while the baby risks a run to the burn unit of the hospital as he pulls on the cord of my curling iron one-too-many times.  Or, did you know it IS possible to pee by yourself?  If you slip off to the bathroom not within ear shot of the playroom or living room TV they might not know you left and you just might get to pee alone. If your smart and bring your phone with you, you might even be able to check your email while you're at it. It's a revolution!

We have only been in this room for three weeks and I have brushed my teeth almost every one of those nights, I think I even flossed once or twice.  It is also revolutionizing my marriage that we have a master bathroom with a door that discreetly closes off the toilet so that I can wash my face without watching my husband pee.  I have actually started using the eye creams and balms that I felt compelled to by in some vain attempt to revive the taut, wrinkle-free skin of my youth.  Not sure how that will pan out, but at least I'm not sleeping in my make-up anymore.

Already the little gremlins have tried following my back here, and sometimes I let them but many times I have  told them to get out and give me a minute in my hotel, because if there's anything I've learned in my 13 or so years of parenting it's that they're not going to die if you shut the door and pee alone and sometimes five minutes of alone time, wherever it is, just might save your life (or one of theirs!).