Dear Lord;
Things aren't going so well today. I have already lost my patience several times and the sun isn't even up.
Give me your patience today.
When I look into their eyes, let me see what you see.
When they're screaming in my face, let me love like you love.
When I am wiping another bottom, let me serve how you served.
When they throw their lunch on the floor and complain, let me find a way to fill their bellies without resentment.
When they fight and scream, let me stop and play and solve problems in patient way, in a way that says "I have time for you."
When they ruin my work, and slow me down, and unfold my laundry let me stop and show them that work is a gift not a burden and they are a help to mommy, not a nuisance.
Give me creative, practical things to do with them because my mind is too tired, and my ego too fragile to look for ideas on Pintrest.
Help me prepare them for the coming of your Son.
Help me remember that Jesus came to us as a baby, that he was the age of my children once and when I love them, I love that beautiful Savior.
Remind me that Mary, my Mother is here for me when I have no perspective on how quickly this time really goes.
Remind me that time is a thief and one day I will look back on these days with wonder, longing for a little one to place on my lap, or a baby to nurse.
Help me humble myself and call on Mary and her Beloved Son for help.
Help me see my children today.
Help me see you in them today.
Help me serve the least of these because that is what you have called me to do today and always.
And when I feel the anger and frustration welling up inside of me, when I want to raise my voice, or my hand, remind me that these beautiful children are a precious gift from my loving Savior and help me extend to them the same Grace, Patience, Understanding, Mercy and Love that I so desperately need from you and from others every day of my life.
Amen
Wednesday, December 11, 2013
Tuesday, December 3, 2013
I May Have Stumbled Upon a Good Idea!
Do you ever hear the "experts" talk about how important it is for you to spend one on one time with your kids? Do you ever listen to their reasons, hear their ideas and then find yourself desperately socking money away to pay for the children's inevitably hefty therapy bill?
We all feel like we are falling short. We all wonder if we're doing enough, wonder when we'll realize we were doing it wrong, when we'll see the fruit of our ignorance, hoping all the good will outweigh some of the stupid. This is true whether you have 1 kid or 10, we want them to know we love them, to know they're safe, and treasured and an integral and an irreplaceable part of the family (without making them spoiled, self-involved, poor losers who think they're God's gift to humanity, of course).
But life is so busy! There is always so much going on and there is never enough time, enough money or Lord have mercy enough energy to do all the things we might think of to do to communicate to these little humans how important they are to us!
Recently, I was praying about some way I could give each kid just a little more time and attention. Our days can go by so quickly and often we are counting heads in the midst of the chaos just to make sure they all got in the van on the way to wherever we're crazy enough to be going.
So, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and probably from some recess of my brain where I keep all the parenting advice I have soaked in over the years, I came up with Super Tuesday! Not sure why we are calling it Super Tuesday, probably something to do with my very patriotic upbringing, but that's the name that stuck so I guess that's what it will be called forever.
Let me be clear; I do not want to share this in some attempt to show you how together we Mullers are! I am hoping that maybe it will give you hope that you can do little things, that are actually sustainable, and affordable and the whole one-on-one time doesn't have to be so ridiculously unmanageable.
This is how it works:
Each Kid get's a Tuesday (for now we are only doing school-aged children because I see those other guys all the time...but we'll see if they ask for it too). When it is your Tuesday you get to:
1. Pick what's for dinner (and no it can't be pizza every time, and no it can't be ice cream). I figure I have to cook anyway, this way they feel special because they get to pick something they love; something I am making just for them. While we have our special dinner everyone goes around and says something they love about the spotlighted kiddo.
2. Pick a special dessert: easy enough and special because we don't usually have dessert unless it's someone's birthday.
3. You get to stay up 30 minutes later than everyone else and do something with mom and dad: the only stipulation here is that it can't involve a screen of any kind. Good ol' fashioned face time. To avoid mom and dad (or special kid) being up too late, all the other children have to go to their rooms at 7:30 to read or play, so that we can still be done by 8:00. (or whatever time you start to get that must-be-away-from-all-children feeling).
And that's it!
When I pitched it to the kids I thought they'd be happy, mostly about the dessert but I was amazed at their response. They had all decided every detail of their week within a day or two. My 8 year old has taken to writing the upcoming event on the big dry erase board in the kitchen with the person's menu choices and activity, and a count down to that person's day. They love it!
Things I love about it:
We get to celebrate as a whole family: I always liked the idea of taking them out for dinner or ice cream or something, but that gets so expensive plus you have to find something to do with all the other kids. I love this because it involves everyone, and we all get to show our love and appreciation for the super-kid.
I am learning things about my kids I didn't know: Our five-year-old wanted to put on music and dance with mommy. This is something I used to do with him a lot before he went to school, but I was really doing for me, as a way to move and get some exercise, I never knew he missed it. But it was the first thing he said he wanted to do. I only had to dance with him for a few minutes then for almost 20 minutes he just picked his favorite songs and just wanted Adam and I to "look at his moves." He just needed to know I was watching, that we see him. He wasn't competing for our attention and that made him so happy. My son whose turn it is tonight, already has the board games picked out that he wants to play. He's my face-time kid, a quality time guy. I knew that but this is a good reminder. It's like getting a little peek into their personality and temperament and I love waiting to see what they're going to want.
It's sustainable: I have tried things before and it's just never worked because it was too much. This feels so doable for the long run. I hope it evolves and is something we do until they're teenagers (our teenager is looking forward to her turn too!) so that the groundwork is set and maybe these will be the times they know they can talk to us about stuff, a time they know they'll have our undivided attention.
It's fun without being over the top: Our culture is so indulgent, everything is so BIG. I like this because it's just a few little things but it's enough to make them feel special and it teaches them to be excited for others too. They look forward to celebrating their siblings.
Maybe you can do this too, or some version of it that fits your family. Maybe you want to share the things your family does. I am realizing more and more that what matters the most is that they know we are here, and that God put them in this family for a reason. I can pull myself up out of the trenches of laundry and dishes and homework and nursing babies long enough to tell them I enjoy them, I want to laugh with them and talk to them and make sure they know that our family is only complete because they are in it. Who knows what they'll need to tell their therapist, but for now I am sure they know they're loved.
We all feel like we are falling short. We all wonder if we're doing enough, wonder when we'll realize we were doing it wrong, when we'll see the fruit of our ignorance, hoping all the good will outweigh some of the stupid. This is true whether you have 1 kid or 10, we want them to know we love them, to know they're safe, and treasured and an integral and an irreplaceable part of the family (without making them spoiled, self-involved, poor losers who think they're God's gift to humanity, of course).
But life is so busy! There is always so much going on and there is never enough time, enough money or Lord have mercy enough energy to do all the things we might think of to do to communicate to these little humans how important they are to us!
Recently, I was praying about some way I could give each kid just a little more time and attention. Our days can go by so quickly and often we are counting heads in the midst of the chaos just to make sure they all got in the van on the way to wherever we're crazy enough to be going.
So, by the inspiration of the Holy Spirit, and probably from some recess of my brain where I keep all the parenting advice I have soaked in over the years, I came up with Super Tuesday! Not sure why we are calling it Super Tuesday, probably something to do with my very patriotic upbringing, but that's the name that stuck so I guess that's what it will be called forever.
Let me be clear; I do not want to share this in some attempt to show you how together we Mullers are! I am hoping that maybe it will give you hope that you can do little things, that are actually sustainable, and affordable and the whole one-on-one time doesn't have to be so ridiculously unmanageable.
This is how it works:
Each Kid get's a Tuesday (for now we are only doing school-aged children because I see those other guys all the time...but we'll see if they ask for it too). When it is your Tuesday you get to:
1. Pick what's for dinner (and no it can't be pizza every time, and no it can't be ice cream). I figure I have to cook anyway, this way they feel special because they get to pick something they love; something I am making just for them. While we have our special dinner everyone goes around and says something they love about the spotlighted kiddo.
2. Pick a special dessert: easy enough and special because we don't usually have dessert unless it's someone's birthday.
3. You get to stay up 30 minutes later than everyone else and do something with mom and dad: the only stipulation here is that it can't involve a screen of any kind. Good ol' fashioned face time. To avoid mom and dad (or special kid) being up too late, all the other children have to go to their rooms at 7:30 to read or play, so that we can still be done by 8:00. (or whatever time you start to get that must-be-away-from-all-children feeling).
And that's it!
When I pitched it to the kids I thought they'd be happy, mostly about the dessert but I was amazed at their response. They had all decided every detail of their week within a day or two. My 8 year old has taken to writing the upcoming event on the big dry erase board in the kitchen with the person's menu choices and activity, and a count down to that person's day. They love it!
Things I love about it:
We get to celebrate as a whole family: I always liked the idea of taking them out for dinner or ice cream or something, but that gets so expensive plus you have to find something to do with all the other kids. I love this because it involves everyone, and we all get to show our love and appreciation for the super-kid.
I am learning things about my kids I didn't know: Our five-year-old wanted to put on music and dance with mommy. This is something I used to do with him a lot before he went to school, but I was really doing for me, as a way to move and get some exercise, I never knew he missed it. But it was the first thing he said he wanted to do. I only had to dance with him for a few minutes then for almost 20 minutes he just picked his favorite songs and just wanted Adam and I to "look at his moves." He just needed to know I was watching, that we see him. He wasn't competing for our attention and that made him so happy. My son whose turn it is tonight, already has the board games picked out that he wants to play. He's my face-time kid, a quality time guy. I knew that but this is a good reminder. It's like getting a little peek into their personality and temperament and I love waiting to see what they're going to want.
It's sustainable: I have tried things before and it's just never worked because it was too much. This feels so doable for the long run. I hope it evolves and is something we do until they're teenagers (our teenager is looking forward to her turn too!) so that the groundwork is set and maybe these will be the times they know they can talk to us about stuff, a time they know they'll have our undivided attention.
It's fun without being over the top: Our culture is so indulgent, everything is so BIG. I like this because it's just a few little things but it's enough to make them feel special and it teaches them to be excited for others too. They look forward to celebrating their siblings.
Maybe you can do this too, or some version of it that fits your family. Maybe you want to share the things your family does. I am realizing more and more that what matters the most is that they know we are here, and that God put them in this family for a reason. I can pull myself up out of the trenches of laundry and dishes and homework and nursing babies long enough to tell them I enjoy them, I want to laugh with them and talk to them and make sure they know that our family is only complete because they are in it. Who knows what they'll need to tell their therapist, but for now I am sure they know they're loved.
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