We bought our very first house yesterday, something I honestly never thought would happen. I think of all the years in our 1000 square foot home, as baby after baby came and paycheck after paycheck remained the same. I think of all the times we said yes to life and wondered where on earth the little miracle was going to sleep. I love the memories I carry with me from that house, right down to the super drafty windows and creaky 100 year old floors. I remember asking ourselves if we were inviting CPS into our home by putting five kids in one bedroom. I remember thanking God for the amazingly generous attitude of our teenager who lived with a sheet as a door for way too long.
We moved out of that house about 18 months ago. We quite providentially found this wonderful rental that seemed designed just for us. My ever-generous and selfless mother agreed to move in with us so that we could afford to live here while we figured out our finances enough to determine what kind of house we could actually afford. I remember the anxiety I felt moving here, thinking I would love it too much and have to let it go. The gift of space was life changing, adding 1700 sq ft to the 1000 we had grown accustomed to. All I could do every day was ask that God let us keep it! Finally, I calmed down a little and about 6 months ago resolved to be content even if we had to downsize, but kept believing God for a miracle that He would make a way to make this house our home.
I will spare you all the details, but thanks to God's amazing faithfulness, parents and grandparent's generosity, and a gracious previous owner we were able to buy the house, and the miracle is we can actually afford to keep it! There is of course the looming anxiety of the realities of ownership, but thankfully my husband is incredibly handy and after living in a house nearly a century old, we can make due in less than perfect conditions.
I am of course overwhelmingly grateful for the space, the physical house itself, but I find that I am most grateful for the people that fill the rooms.
I am so thankful for my faith, for this beautiful misunderstood Church and her beautiful misunderstood teachings. Teachings that prompted us to be open to life when the world, and even family and friends, told us we were crazy. I am so glad that we didn't let our tiny house keep us from having another baby, and another, and another. And I am so glad that God is always true to His word and that he always provides for those who love and obey him. Granted I didn't always appreciate his timing, and there were days when I felt like I would lose my mind, as I was literally covered in children, but somehow God brought us through it. None of our children would say that have had to go without and all of them that remember the old house know that God provided them with all this new space!
On this the anniversary of Roe v Wade I feel inept to express the magnitude of our culture's selfishness, our inability to be horrified that 55 million babies have been murdered in 41 years. I feel helpless and inadequate when I rack my brain and consider how to be more active in the pro-life movement. And the Holy Spirit often reminds me that our family is a giant poster for life. Last night we went out to dinner to celebrate the house. Anytime we go out to eat we draw attention to ourselves. They have to set up a table to accommodate us, surrounding patrons usually moan when we get sat next to them, and then our opportunity to be a witness for life begins. Thankfully, our children usually do a fabulous job as little witnesses to life (they of course hear the same pep talk before entering any restaurant which basically ends in "let's not have people thanking God they don't have any kids because of us"), and on top of the stares we usually receive many smiles and even compliments, not because they are perfect but because they are obviously wanted and treasured, by us and by each other.
I was reading these reflections of our dear pope today and again feeling so grateful that we have been given the gift of understanding. We are all blind and lost fools in need of God and I marvel at the light and understanding that my merciful Savior has imparted to me and my husband, and the gifts those truths render. I think of all those who bravely accept the life of a baby, even when they know it will be taken from them and then stand as a testament to life by sharing the remarkable God-given vision that comes from that kind of suffering and loss. My life is so easy! God has given me 7 beautiful, healthy children and has not asked me to suffer the unspeakable pain of letting one of them go. A dear friend of mine just wrote a book about her experience of dealing with a terminally ill child and again I am reminded that the true gift of life is so much more than just accepting it when we want it. That is what he is calling us to; big family or small, he is calling us to accept life as He gives it.
It is so easy to feel defeated by this culture of death and selflessness but if we allow ourselves to see the sacred gift of life in those around us, young, old, sick, dying, and healthy perhaps we will make more decisions based on the sacredness of life and less on the comforts of a temporary world. This certainly does not mean that the only way to do this is to have a dozen kids! My husband and I believe that God has very clearly called us to have a large family and as God always does for those that follow their vocations he has supplied us with immeasurable amounts of grace to do it. For some it will be a smaller family and a more active role in the Pro Life movement, for some it will be handling the cross of infertility with dignity and grace, for some it will be adoption, for others it may be caring for a dying parent. Above all we are called to love and protect life, to treasure it, in all it's stages as a gift.
I am grateful.
I am grateful for this house, these five bedrooms, and most of all I am grateful that God has allowed us to fill those bedrooms. Even though for now, we believe God is asking us to wait a little while, I am grateful that He may not be done filling those bedrooms and crazy or not, we will never be the ones to tell him to stop.
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