Today is one of my all-time favorite feast days, the Feast of St. Joseph. Not only does it fall right in the middle of Lent when we are all facing our weaknesses and failures head on every day, thinking about that brownie we can't have or the TV show we said we wouldn't watch, but it also comes on the wings of expected Spring as we imagine new beginnings, the end of the cold dormant winter, and the possibility of all things new.
So aside from eating a big pasta dinner followed by a super non-Lenten dessert what else might we consider on this beautiful day in our liturgical calendar?
St Joseph, or St Joe as we affectionately refer to him in our house, is the patron saint of fathers, workers, carpenters, and social justice not to mention a handful of countries, the Universal Church, and a happy death. He's the go-to guy for everything and everyone. Now if you're new to this whole patron saint thing, or have never really understood why Catholics pray to saints you may be praying for my soul and the soul of my family right now that we will be delivered from idolatry and superstition and find our way back to Christ. I would never ask anyone to stop praying for me and my family but let me assure you it is not idolatry or superstition; it is one of the greatest blessings of our Catholic faith and as a convert it has always been something I really cherish.
Christ conquered death on the cross, and when he did that he erased all power that death holds on all things, including my ability to commune with those who are dead. We are all one in Christ, one in is His body striving for holiness waiting to be in His presence forever. So why wouldn't I ask those closest to him, the ones already worshiping at His feet, to pray for me?` St Joseph is especially close to him and so we go to him a lot.
Today I am especially aware of St Joseph's example as husband and foster-father of Christ and find myself full of gratitude for his influence on my husband's life (my hero of a husband who spent half of last night up with two crying tonsilless boys even though he had to go to work today and have patience for other people's children). Jesus is of course our primary example, but Joseph gives us a picture of an earthly husband and father striving for holiness, living selflessly for his family.
My husband has had a devotion to St Joseph for years now. He found refuge in his example and prayers most especially when I was very sick and he faced all the normal stress as father and provider along with the helplessness that comes with watching someone you love suffer. I saw St. Joseph transform my already impressive husband into a man more like Christ, full of humility and love and more at peace in all the troubling circumstances of life. Having grown up Protestant and still being new to this whole devotion-to-saints thing, it was the first time I witnessed obvious change in someone based on the devotion and influence of a saint. And why wouldn't hours in prayer and conversation with another change us? I am constantly watchful of who my children hang out with, especially our teenage daughter, always listening to see if their influences are positive and good, because the people we spend time with shape us. What a tremendous gift it is to have recourse to the saints! We can literally spend time with St Joseph. We can ask for guidance and insight from the man who in the face of ridicule and loss of his reputation stood by his betrothed and lived in obedience to God in all things and humbly accepted the vocation of raising the Son of God as his own. Parenting is daunting enough but can you imagine thinking it's God's son you are potentially sending to therapy? I have seen his influence and his example soften my husband, make him even more humble and kind, I have seen it bring peace and quiet to his spirit and I have seen him countless times, like Joseph, accept the vocation God has given him in the face of ridicule and misunderstanding as he meekly walks in obedience and fiercely leads our family to heaven. I watch him work tirelessly on our behalf, no job too small, nothing beneath him and accept that work as a gift from God and a chance to make him more like Christ; Our Lord who also knew the toil of the common man, the callouses of hard labor and the joy of work, a virtue he learned by example alongside his earthly father.
So today I thank God for St Joseph and by extension I thank St. Joseph for his friendship to my husband, for his faithfulness to our family and for his prayers on the behalf of fathers and the fatherless. Each year I pray that we will grow in our devotion to Christ and his Saints and not allow ourselves to get lost in the busyness of life so much that we forget the endless resources of the Faithful. What a beautiful reminder that no matter how we feel we can take comfort in the truth that we are never alone, for not only will Christ never leave us or forsake us but all the saints in heaven are waging war for our souls as well.
St Joseph pray for us!
Monday, March 19, 2012
Friday, March 9, 2012
Things I Never Thought I'd Say
We've all been there. We are in a heated moment with our children, we're frustrated and tired and dying to just have them obey, or stop arguing and trust you, and the next thing we know the voice of our mother is being channeled through our own mouths and out come the words "because I said so!," or "you'll thank me later," or "that's exactly why I told you that was a bad idea."
But then there are days that I laugh out loud because I cannot believe the things that are coming out of my mouth. I was looking through some old journals the other day and found these lines I had written down for prosperity. These were the days when it was all-littles-all-the-time. Sometimes I really miss these day, but mostly I remember how tired I was all the time. To you moms' in the trenches: you will come out on the other side!
The following are my top 9 favorites of recent memory: (I know it would make more sense if there were 10, but I am too tired to think of any more and I risk just making things up to make you laugh).
9. Please don't climb that tree with scissors in your mouth.
8. No you cannot jump off the bed onto your brother's shoulders.
7. Please don't sit on the baby's head and fart; I don't care if he's laughing there is no way he actually likes it.
6. (To a screaming three year old holding a ruler) Please stop crying, I didn't know you wanted to measure the poop before mommy flushed it down the potty.
5. Yes, it's true when I was growing up there was no such thing as a DVR, and no it was not 66 years ago.
4. (To the three year old riding his bike in front of the house) It's 45 degrees outside where are your pants...and underwear?
3. No you cannot give up your little brother for Lent.
2. Is that peanut butter or poop on the bathroom floor? Oh thank goodness, it's peanut butter!!
Is that peanut butter or poop on the bathroom floor? Oh thank goodness, it's peanut butter!!
Comment and tell us the craziest things to come out of your mouth lately! We know every day is full of surprises!
But then there are days that I laugh out loud because I cannot believe the things that are coming out of my mouth. I was looking through some old journals the other day and found these lines I had written down for prosperity. These were the days when it was all-littles-all-the-time. Sometimes I really miss these day, but mostly I remember how tired I was all the time. To you moms' in the trenches: you will come out on the other side!
The following are my top 9 favorites of recent memory: (I know it would make more sense if there were 10, but I am too tired to think of any more and I risk just making things up to make you laugh).
9. Please don't climb that tree with scissors in your mouth.
8. No you cannot jump off the bed onto your brother's shoulders.
7. Please don't sit on the baby's head and fart; I don't care if he's laughing there is no way he actually likes it.
6. (To a screaming three year old holding a ruler) Please stop crying, I didn't know you wanted to measure the poop before mommy flushed it down the potty.
5. Yes, it's true when I was growing up there was no such thing as a DVR, and no it was not 66 years ago.
4. (To the three year old riding his bike in front of the house) It's 45 degrees outside where are your pants...and underwear?
3. No you cannot give up your little brother for Lent.
2. Is that peanut butter or poop on the bathroom floor? Oh thank goodness, it's peanut butter!!
Is that peanut butter or poop on the bathroom floor? Oh thank goodness, it's peanut butter!!
Comment and tell us the craziest things to come out of your mouth lately! We know every day is full of surprises!
Friday, March 2, 2012
The business of sex and babies
*** I have been working on this post for a couple of days and since starting it the HHS mandate
was upheld in the Senate. Although that is not what this post is really about I feel I must say
that we are called to pray more than ever, regardless of our opinions on birth control or
church teaching, because this is an issue that will certainly threaten the liberty of us all.
There is a lot of talk going around right now about sex and the Church. Granted the conversation is more directly about contraception, abortion, and what I think is the real issue, religious freedom, but it cannot be discussed without people scratching their heads trying to figure out why the Church hates women and sex so much. Clearly, we are an antiquated people, run by a hierarchy of men who have set out to dictate our sexual practices, rob us of our liberty and force us into being overly procreative so that the Church can live on. Or wait, is it just that these old men in funny hats hate sex? Or is it pleasure they hate? No wait it's just women and "choice." I will not get into the political ramifications of this whole HHS debacle but suffice it to say it is a slippery slope when the leader of the free world begins to usurp its citizens of their constitutional rights in the name of "choice," and if gone unchecked it will only be a matter of time before the government is dictating the "acceptable" framework in which a family can be raised not to mention limiting the amount of people we are allowed to create.
I realize that with the issue of birth control Catholics become very isolated in their opinions, and it spawns a myriad of responses from people on all sides. My side is very Catholic and I unapologetically defend the Church's teaching on this matter (something that I know many of my protestant brothers and sisters will not understand). I do not mean to get into the specifics of the teaching at this time, but rather consider briefly and honestly how hard it can be to live by this teaching and that is okay to admit that. The hardship comes not just for the people who don't want kids, or who want to have sex without consequences (although there is a large contingent of people who do not like being told that they just might be selfish) it is bigger than that. For me, and for many people I know, the recent attention on the Church has forced us to ask ourselves if we trust her, if we can wholeheartedly embrace her teaching even in the face of complicated and nuanced situations, and ultimately, do we trust Christ and the authority he gives the Church in our lives?
was upheld in the Senate. Although that is not what this post is really about I feel I must say
that we are called to pray more than ever, regardless of our opinions on birth control or
church teaching, because this is an issue that will certainly threaten the liberty of us all.
There is a lot of talk going around right now about sex and the Church. Granted the conversation is more directly about contraception, abortion, and what I think is the real issue, religious freedom, but it cannot be discussed without people scratching their heads trying to figure out why the Church hates women and sex so much. Clearly, we are an antiquated people, run by a hierarchy of men who have set out to dictate our sexual practices, rob us of our liberty and force us into being overly procreative so that the Church can live on. Or wait, is it just that these old men in funny hats hate sex? Or is it pleasure they hate? No wait it's just women and "choice." I will not get into the political ramifications of this whole HHS debacle but suffice it to say it is a slippery slope when the leader of the free world begins to usurp its citizens of their constitutional rights in the name of "choice," and if gone unchecked it will only be a matter of time before the government is dictating the "acceptable" framework in which a family can be raised not to mention limiting the amount of people we are allowed to create.
All the political ramifications aside, this frantic discussion from every side has lead me to ponder even more deeply the tenants of the faith and ask myself why I agree with Mother Church on these "delicate" issues. Mind you, we consider them particularly delicate because, as a culture, we are fundamentally opposed to the idea that anyone has the right to tell me what is right for me. Catholic or Protestant, Agnostic or Atheist, Muslim or Jew, we are a self indulgent, entitled people and have been conditioned to buck the second someone tells us what to do. We thrive on non-confrontational moral relativism that permeates every area of our affluent American lives.
Even those of us who identify ourselves strongly with our faith often struggle with the ability to speak in absolutes when facing someone who adamantly opposes our world view. This may be because we do not understand our faith well enough to defend it, or it may be because we are so afraid of offending someone that we instinctively pad our comments with this-is-what-works-for-me jargon. However, if we chisel past the superficial arguments and get to the heart of the matter it is a complicated, multi-faceted issue and we all know someone whose circumstances and sufferings make this teaching hard to live.
Even those of us who identify ourselves strongly with our faith often struggle with the ability to speak in absolutes when facing someone who adamantly opposes our world view. This may be because we do not understand our faith well enough to defend it, or it may be because we are so afraid of offending someone that we instinctively pad our comments with this-is-what-works-for-me jargon. However, if we chisel past the superficial arguments and get to the heart of the matter it is a complicated, multi-faceted issue and we all know someone whose circumstances and sufferings make this teaching hard to live.
I realize that with the issue of birth control Catholics become very isolated in their opinions, and it spawns a myriad of responses from people on all sides. My side is very Catholic and I unapologetically defend the Church's teaching on this matter (something that I know many of my protestant brothers and sisters will not understand). I do not mean to get into the specifics of the teaching at this time, but rather consider briefly and honestly how hard it can be to live by this teaching and that is okay to admit that. The hardship comes not just for the people who don't want kids, or who want to have sex without consequences (although there is a large contingent of people who do not like being told that they just might be selfish) it is bigger than that. For me, and for many people I know, the recent attention on the Church has forced us to ask ourselves if we trust her, if we can wholeheartedly embrace her teaching even in the face of complicated and nuanced situations, and ultimately, do we trust Christ and the authority he gives the Church in our lives?
When my husband and I first got married we were an instant family of 3. We had a unique dating life because a sweet five-year-old girl had always been a part of it (she even went on our first date with us!). We were excited to have more children right away and were surprised and blessed by how quickly I became pregnant. Eight months after our first son was born I found myself pregnant again and although I shed a tear or two when that plus sign turned up on the stick I was thrilled and ready to face the challenge. My response was also not without hubris, considering how open to life we looked, how Catholic we were. I cringe to think of the times I judged others for the size of their family before I really understood the countless circumstances and considerations that go into family planning, not to mention all the things that go unseen and unsaid like infertility and miscarriage. It wasn't until I got very sick after our second son was born that NFP and the teaching of contraception became very personal and real. I found myself 4 months post partum and bed-ridden, and this went on for 15 months. The severity of my illness would ebb and flow a bit but it was clearly not the time to have another baby. I struggled with guilt that I wasn't being "open to life" because my husband and I were very carefully using NFP to the point where we sometimes felt like we were living a celibate marriage. Thankfully, we were able to learn about and understand my cycle and return to a normal and stress-free sex life without feeling guilty for not having more babies right away. I remember finding comfort in Blessed John Paul II's words:
Unfortunately, Catholic thought is often misunderstood ... as if the Church supported an ideology of fertility at all costs, urging married couples to procreate indiscriminately and without thought for the future. But one need only study the pronouncements of the Magisterium to know that this is not so.
Truly, in begetting life the spouses fulfill one of the highest dimensions of their calling: they are God’s co-workers. Precisely for this reason they must have an extremely responsible attitude. In deciding whether or not to have a child, they must not be motivated by selfishness or carelessness, but by a prudent, conscious generosity that weighs the possibilities and circumstances, and especially gives priority to the welfare of the unborn child. Therefore, when there is a reason not to procreate, this choice is permissible and may even be necessary. (emphasis mine)---1994 Castel Gondolfo
This is the first thing that I think is often lost in the discussion of the Church's position on family planning. There is a huge misunderstanding that we Catholics just have babies because we have to, because if we don't we'll go to hell, or be seen as selfish, and unfortunately we often make one another feel that way! Some of us are called to have large families and some of us are not. The church offers us an alternative to a family of 15 children and recognizes that not everyone is called to that and Natural Family Planning is it's loving gift.
I do believe that; that NFP is a loving beautiful gift, that God made the female body to operate in such a way that we can predict fertility and we can live within the cyclical nature of that fertility and live happy, fulfilled lives and marriages. I also know that it's just not always that easy. Our bodies were made to be predictable and our fertility cyclical yet ironically the act of child-bearing and birth alters those patterns and it can take months or years for those patterns to be predictable again. There are woman whose cycles are super predictable and obvious and as long as they chart they can abstain 5-7 days a month and be a-okay. Then there's the rest of us!
Without digressing too much, let me just say that for most people NFPing is not easy and not always simple and certainly not without anxiety and stress. I am there now. Eight months post partum with irregular cycles and paralyzed by the fear of getting pregnant again. Surely that is not what God wants...right!? We are a family of 8, living in a 2 bedroom house, on a teacher's salary. Believe me, the whole world is telling us to take a break! But this is where the gift and mystery of fertility meets the supremacy of our will and the injustice of a fallen and sinful world. This is where it gets tricky; this is when we want to believe that God would not judge us for contracepting.
Yes, we serve a Providential God, but he gives us a will and the ability to make powerful, life-giving decisions. He is also merciful and loving and forgiving and for the couple who feels no other choice but to use birth control I truly sympathize and I know that there is compassion and mercy in the arms of God. It is not an unpardonable sin; it is another way in which God is calling us to love and trust Him in a way that sometimes feels impossible; it is another path to holiness. Do not judge the person you know using birth control pray for them that they would see that God has something better in mind, something that opens them up to a greater understanding of His love and prepares them for heaven.
And yet, the Church is unmistakably clear on this issue, regardless of what many people are saying. And although I find myself wanting to argue the reasons and simultaneously wrestling with those reasons on a personal level I am left with one thing: I trust the Church. I know it sounds a bit cliche, and perhaps over simplified, but I trust 2000 plus years of tradition and I trust the men in funny hats who have dedicated their lives to listening to the Holy Spirit and standing in opposition to a world that hates life and assigns value according to usefulness. At the end of the day I would rather err on the side of life, on the side of the Church.
Granted, if I were to find myself pregnant any time soon I would throw a huge fit, spiral into a place of self doubt and anger, all the while wrestling with the idea of God's supreme goodness. And then I would open my heart and arms and have new baby, and would be scary and wonderful and hard. I trust that this is really what Christ is asking of us, and that he is aware of all the hardship and struggle it brings with it. I also have to remember that sometimes we are just called to obey, and we have to be careful not to blame God for the injustices of the world that are a result of a fallen world, not an incomplete or unloving God. Fertility can be a cruel, dichotomous bitch. Good, godly, people who would welcome a fleet of children suffocate with the pain of infertility while a teenage crack-head abandons a baby in trash can. You can lose yourself and your faith in the injustice of it all, but Christ beckons us to lose ourselves in the reality of His unchanging love instead. We have to remember that he is a loving Father and that he is never cruel, and just as our children often do not see the reason behind our requirements and kick and scream when we hold them to it, we too are often waiting for the scales to fall from our eyes so that we can truly see.
None of the "rules" of our faith are there for any other reason than for our good. Sometimes we just have to stop kicking and screaming long enough to give the Holy Spirit the ability to make the way of Christ clear. It doesn't mean we'll like it, or that it will be easy but we just might find some peace, and hopefully we will find our way to heaven where we will see all things clearly.
Without digressing too much, let me just say that for most people NFPing is not easy and not always simple and certainly not without anxiety and stress. I am there now. Eight months post partum with irregular cycles and paralyzed by the fear of getting pregnant again. Surely that is not what God wants...right!? We are a family of 8, living in a 2 bedroom house, on a teacher's salary. Believe me, the whole world is telling us to take a break! But this is where the gift and mystery of fertility meets the supremacy of our will and the injustice of a fallen and sinful world. This is where it gets tricky; this is when we want to believe that God would not judge us for contracepting.
Yes, we serve a Providential God, but he gives us a will and the ability to make powerful, life-giving decisions. He is also merciful and loving and forgiving and for the couple who feels no other choice but to use birth control I truly sympathize and I know that there is compassion and mercy in the arms of God. It is not an unpardonable sin; it is another way in which God is calling us to love and trust Him in a way that sometimes feels impossible; it is another path to holiness. Do not judge the person you know using birth control pray for them that they would see that God has something better in mind, something that opens them up to a greater understanding of His love and prepares them for heaven.
And yet, the Church is unmistakably clear on this issue, regardless of what many people are saying. And although I find myself wanting to argue the reasons and simultaneously wrestling with those reasons on a personal level I am left with one thing: I trust the Church. I know it sounds a bit cliche, and perhaps over simplified, but I trust 2000 plus years of tradition and I trust the men in funny hats who have dedicated their lives to listening to the Holy Spirit and standing in opposition to a world that hates life and assigns value according to usefulness. At the end of the day I would rather err on the side of life, on the side of the Church.
Granted, if I were to find myself pregnant any time soon I would throw a huge fit, spiral into a place of self doubt and anger, all the while wrestling with the idea of God's supreme goodness. And then I would open my heart and arms and have new baby, and would be scary and wonderful and hard. I trust that this is really what Christ is asking of us, and that he is aware of all the hardship and struggle it brings with it. I also have to remember that sometimes we are just called to obey, and we have to be careful not to blame God for the injustices of the world that are a result of a fallen world, not an incomplete or unloving God. Fertility can be a cruel, dichotomous bitch. Good, godly, people who would welcome a fleet of children suffocate with the pain of infertility while a teenage crack-head abandons a baby in trash can. You can lose yourself and your faith in the injustice of it all, but Christ beckons us to lose ourselves in the reality of His unchanging love instead. We have to remember that he is a loving Father and that he is never cruel, and just as our children often do not see the reason behind our requirements and kick and scream when we hold them to it, we too are often waiting for the scales to fall from our eyes so that we can truly see.
None of the "rules" of our faith are there for any other reason than for our good. Sometimes we just have to stop kicking and screaming long enough to give the Holy Spirit the ability to make the way of Christ clear. It doesn't mean we'll like it, or that it will be easy but we just might find some peace, and hopefully we will find our way to heaven where we will see all things clearly.
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